Rumours have abounded for weeks that music world twit Simon Cowle was involved with frumpy falsettoed Scot Susan Boyle.
Paparazzi have wasted rolls of film and pounds of memory cards trying to capture the curious couple on film with little or no luck. Innocuous shots of the pitiful pair rehearsing songs, devouring Devonshire pudding and cavorting at a Chaplin Film festival in London have provided the tabloids with mere Christianity( Tanks, CS!).
But a fanatical old fan (yeah, it's me) has emerged with a collection of Kodak Brownie photos of a make out session between the judge and the contestant.
Epidemiologists from Scotland Center for Disease and Kilt Control believe that the tongue to tongue contact between the spinster and the spinmeister may be the origin of the global swine flu epidemic: "Boyle looks like a pig and Cowyle acts like a swine so we cannot be sure whom infected whom..."