Legendary non-politically correct stand-up comedian Bernard Manning today admitted that non-entity Susan Boil is in fact him in drag.
'Aye', he said, 'I thought you gits would've worked it out a bit sooner! It's so obviously me, I mean, looks exactly like me, even bloody sings as bad as me ... How I've laughed as article after article appeared in The Spoof about 'Susan'! It's a JOKE, you idiots!!!'
Shockwaves hit the Goody Winehouse Boil Club at the news, and some were already seeking help for Boil withdrawal symptoms, especially difficult to deal with after the death of articles about Wossername Goody.
'What to do with a Boil', said Manning, 'is lance it - preferably with a sharp implement. Oh, and cover it first, so you don't have to hear the dreadful noise it makes. A Paki, a wog and a tranny went into a bar, and -'. But Mr. Manning's joke had been censored, as there's nothing funny about transvestites or people who can't sing, or even people who can't sing and do it out of tune, or people being obsessed by such embarrassing, cringeworthy and manufactured fake celebrities.
The Spice Girls had nothing to say on the subject. Neither did Robbie Williams, Angelina Jolie, Amy Winehouse or Barack Obama. Or Hillary Clinton, or the shareholders of GMTV. Or ...