Jonathan Ross Rushed Off His Feet At Woolworth Check-out !

Funny story written by Phil Edgar's Bones

Friday, 12 December 2008

image for Jonathan Ross Rushed Off His Feet At Woolworth Check-out !
In one month Jonathan has gone from making dvd's, to selling them in woolworths!

Celebrity scrounger Jonathan Woss, was rushed off his feet yesterday, as Woolworth slashed their prices by 2%.

Ross, 51, was fined guilty of sitting on his arse and swearing with his mates, by the British Television Licence Payer. The BBC management put him to work for the first time in his life- at Woolworths to help them out with the chaos of their sales.

Ross, 52, at first sat giggling in the corner, with a group of work-experience teenagers - flirting with school-girls.

The smile was rubbed of his middle-aged face, when hundreds of shoppers burst through the door, in a Walmart style stampede. However his massive ego acted as a buffer, and prevented him getting crushed.

Ross, 54, was then put to work on the audio-visual department as a punishment for incompetence, where he was made to sell Russell Brand's top-selling DVD " The Dirty Middle-aged Man Skank Tour - Live At The Boy Scout Jamboree".

Ross said "Wussel Bwands dvd was very populwar with teenage boys and girls, as he is like me. We have a Peter Pan charm with the Youf. We are not teetering on the brink of being dirty old men, at all. I love Bwand, but if Bwand ever looks at one of my daughters. I will bweak his scwaggy, unwashed, hairwee neck......Would you like his dvd for 50p, it comes with a fwee copy of ' The Best of The Last Reswort!".

Jack Russell, 19, the area manager of Woolworths, Plymouth and Northampton divison said " Ross, did a wonderful job, on the check-out. I hope to hang onto to him, but it looks like Subway Sandwhiches will be poaching him. That's a shame, I want to shag his daughter! By his adolescent behaviour, I believe he's thinking to do the same!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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