Gary Johnson 48, is shocked to hear that Woolworths has been shut down for a decade. The music fan revealed that although his music tastes are fairly broad and up-to-date, he last bought an album from a shop when Moby's Play album first came out.
The current state of retail customer service in the United States is such that one can go into any retail chain in the country, take a shit on the floor in the middle of the Seasonal section, and the Store Manager will feel obligated to bring you a Wet-Nap.* The answer, BTW? Ames, Bradlees, Caldor, Cornet, Gemci, G. C. Murphy, Rite-Aid, H.L.Greens, Hudson Brothers, Eckerds, Korvettes, J.G. McCrory...
After a dramatic turn of fate Woolies is to re-open. William Woolworth, the last of the Woolworths is to start over selling what Woolworths was famous for, wool. In recent times, with help of the recession, wool sales are on the rise. 'People love to...
Now that the Woolworths and Ladybird names have been rescued from obscurity and are about to become an internet business (much to the disgust of late-night revelers who now find that a Home Computer is a rather less convenient place to relieve themse...
Chaos this morning at Eastlands, where executives at Manchester City seem to have bowed to fan pressure, and have decided to shelve plans to buy the AC Milan star, Kaka, for a reputed £107million. The club will, instead, buy Woolworths. Critici...
Astonishment has swept the business world this morning as God plc has made an offer to rescue the doomed Woolworths chain. It appears that the move is an attempt to block a similar take over bid by Satan Inc, who wanted to convert the Woolworths c...
Police in a West Midlands town set up road blocks and cordoned-off a main shopping thoroughfare over the weekend, when it became clear that staff at a Woolworths store scheduled to shut down last week, had refused to obey their orders, and had carrie...
As the curtain finally came down on 99 years of trading at Woolworths, police had to be called to a store in London, when one of the Woolies sales assistants became the target for a group of frenzied bargain-hunters who chased him around the store a...
There was joy across the Woolworths empire today, when the entire chain was the subject of a last-minute buy-out by the self-made multi-millionaire, and former Beatle, Sir Paul Mills-McCartney. Sir Paul, fresh from his divorce settlement with ex-w...
With Woolworths doing better trade in the last few days than in the preceding ninety-nine years, it has been announced that everything must be sold before the end of the year, and that means everything. In the store in Altrincham, near Manchester,...
Celebrity scrounger Jonathan Woss, was rushed off his feet yesterday, as Woolworth slashed their prices by 2%. Ross, 51, was fined guilty of sitting on his arse and swearing with his mates, by the British Television Licence Payer. The BBC managem...
It's the most successful day of trading in Woolworth history today! With a load of debt from living in credit, the Woolworth-less head crackpots have hit on a goldmine with a clever marketing scam aimed at the dim-witted. Theresa (16), single moth...
There was chaos in Brixton this morning as the Woolworths closing down sale got under way, when goods offered with a 100% reduction became the target for bargain-hungry shoppers. Several people were hurt as some customers barged their way towards...
Woolworths, Britain's 1960s theme shop, went out of business today, as accountants switched off its TARDIS. The time machine had kept the chain of stores permanently stuck in 1965, but now it was time for its staff to face up to life in 2008. Shop...
Shares in Britain's oldest retail department store, Woolworths, soared today as it was announced that the company would hold a massive 90% off sale starting Thursday in all its 815 outlets nationwide. Woolies, as it is known by your mum, went into...
It is understood that workers in Woolworths hold Sith Over-lord Darth Vader responsible for the current parlous state of the chain's finances. Vader, who starred in an advert with the shop's mascots Woolie the Sheep and Worth the Dog selling a che...
Wereinthemoney, England - The Labour government's plan to reduce the Value Added Tax (VAT) on goods and services from 17.5% to 15% took effect today with resounding results for the economy. The move to stimulate consumer spending and head off the imp...
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