No-talent kid says he is Bob Dylan's son

Funny story written by Frank Cotolo

Saturday, 3 September 2005


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Sam Dylan is the spitting image of his alleged father.

NEW YORK CITY -- A young man claiming to be the son of Bob Dylan has come forward to say that he cannot follow in his father's footsteps because he has no talent and doesn't care to have any.

The 23-year-old Sam Dylan is a spitting image of his father when Bob was breaking into the folk scene in the early '60s. But Sam said, "I cannot rhyme or play guitar, piano and am not very much interested in doing any of these."

Sam Dylan said he loves studying insects and birds. "I never liked poetry. I don't understand it or any of my father's lyrics. I want to do something constructive with my life."

It's not like Sam didn't try. He said he picked up a guitar and attempted to write some songs and was kicked out of every venue in New York. "They were right," he said. "I stink beyond comparison."

Sam Dylan said he has never met his father and wants nothing from him. "I just want to mend bird wings and work on a paper about why ants like to be in such large crowds," he said. "That is poetry to me."

Sam's mother would talk only if she was asked questions with a face mask in a room filled with mirrors. She said, "I fell in love with Sam's father because of his poetry, but I want Sam to be happy, so if he likes bugs and birds, that is all right with me."

When asked where she met Bob Dylan and what the sex was like, she said, "I don't remember, but parachutes float like clouds in the winds of tomorrow's sky."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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