Victoria Gotti Gives Advice

Funny story written by Neil Levine

Friday, 2 September 2005

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Humbertos Clam House, Where The Elite Meet

Little Italy, New York---Victoria Gotti, widow of deceased king pin John Gotti, has broken her vow of omerta silence and chosen to speak up about her grandchildren.

“They’re good kids. I worry about them a lot. I heard ‘The Sopranos’ are scoping them out. That could be very, very bad or it could be good. I think I’m going to have to find out what’s going down and maybe do somethin’ bout that.”

After a couple of anonymous phone calls and a couple of call backs, more calls and a lot of shouting out of her window, she decides to invite the Soprano Family to Humberto’s Clam House, in Little Italy, known for its hearty Italian fare and down to Earth atmosphere and popularity with a certain clientele.

Grandma Gotti, “I invited yous here to clear the air. I’ve heard things about yous guys.”

Tony putting on an innocent air, “Us?”

Granny Gotti, “Yeah yous.”

Tony, “Me. No way. I like kids. Besides, I know better.”

Granny Gotti, “Come on now. Not even a little bit.

Tony, “Well, maybe, a little bit.”

Granny Gotti, “See. Now, you’re gonna have to play nice.”

Tony, “I always play nice. Besides, I like your grandkids. They’re showbizzy”

Granny Gotti, “Oh yeah?”

Tony, “They’re on tv.”

Granny Gotti, “A lot of people are on tv.”

Tony repeats, “A lot of people are on tv.”

Granny Gotti, “They’re my grandkids, they're good kids and they’re on tv.”

Tony, “That’s awright with me.”

Silvio Dante, “It’s all right with me.”

Christopher Moltisanti, “It’s all right with me.

Granny Gotti, “Then it’s okay with me, too. So I hear you’re looking for a business opportunity.”

Tony, “Business is where the jobs are.”

Granny Gotti, “I may have a job for you.”

Tony, “Yeah.”

Granny Gotti, “Yeah.”

Tony, “So. What do we have to do?”

Granny Gotti, “Keep your mouth shut and have some pizza.”

Tony, “I don’t know. I’m in the mood for pasta.”

Granny Gotti, “Have some pasta.”

Tony, “Now you’re talking.

Michael Imperioli, Dominic Chianese, Edie Falco, Steve Van Zandt, Robert Iler and Jamie Lynn Sigler DiScala stroll in.

Tony, “You’re late.”

All together, “Bad Traffic.”

Granny Gotti, “Have some pizza.”

Frankie, Carmine and John Gotti Agnello and mother Victoria Gotti stroll in.

Tony, “You’re late.”

All together, “There’s a Mob Outside.”

Tony, “Ah, the Gambinos, Mr. And Mrs. Colombo, Tommy Lucchese, Joe Bonanno, Lucky Luciano, the Genovese Drug people, some Capone Capos and a couple of nobodies.”

Granny Gotti, “Have some pizza. If the Syndicate is gonna meet, maybe we should try another day. Just want to protect my grandkids from bad elements, yous know what I mean.”

Tony, “I know what you mean. Maybe we can work out a deal.”

Granny Gotti, “What do you mean?”

Tony, Maybe we could visit “Growing Up Gotti” and the Gotti gang could visit “The Sopranos,” in a social kind of way.

Granny Gotti, “You think so?”

Tony, “I know so. I got tickets to ‘The Producers” in my back pocket. Talking to the boss of bosses is not going to be a problem.”

Granny Gottii, “Once yous see them, tell me what happens.”

Tony, “But I tink we’ve made a mistake meeting here. This place is too crowded.”

Granny Victoria Gotti, “{I think you’re right. Maybe we could meet another time.”

Tony, "Maybe."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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