Divine Intervention - Creed Calls it Quits!

Funny story written by Bynocerus

Monday, 7 June 2004

image for Divine Intervention - Creed Calls it Quits!
What the hell is wrong with my knee?

HELL (AP) -- Creed, the pseudo-Christian rockers responsible for such noise pollution as "Higher" and "With Arms Wide Open," finally called it quits Monday after lead singer Scott Stapp suffered serious injuries while performing a Jesus Christ pose.

Creed's unholy trinity of albums sold over 20 million copies in the United States, despite the constant pressure of finding new and creative ways of palely imitating Pearl Jam. According to Stapp, "it wasn't that hard really. Stone Temple Pilots had already stolen [Pearl Jam's ] sound, and all we had to do was follow their blueprint. I mean, if a heroin addict can do it, how hard can it be?"

However, former guitarist Mark Tremonti insisted that Stapp's injuries were simply a diversion from a more serious issue. Said Tremonti, "when we started playing together, our whole focus was on reaffirming peoples' faith. Unfortunately, I realized several years ago that our music was actually doing the opposite - actually causing people to lose faith in God's existence. I think the band finally came to the same realization, although they would probably never admit it."

When informed of Tremonti's comments, Stapp's surprising response was, "He does have a point. In fact, I'm trying to convince POD, Lifehouse and Chevelle of the same thing."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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