Ebert and Roeper Leave Ebert and Roeper

Funny story written by Jalapenoman

Monday, 21 July 2008

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Two thumbs down for ABC Disney

Film critics Roger Ebert and Richard Roeper will be leaving the television show "At The Movies With Ebert & Roeper" due to creative differences with the current producers. The show, originally started in Chicagao over 30 years ago with Ebert and the late Gene Siskel, has long been a television staple for people seeking movie reviews.

Current producers Disney/ABC Domestic Television were slightly upset over the move, but have stated that the show will continue. They foresee increased ratings and exposure with the new format and new stars.

Ebert and Roeper expressed disgust at being required only to give positive reviews to all films produced and distributed by Disney, Touchstone, Buena Vista, Hollywood Films, and all of their subsidieries.

Roeper offered the following: "Can you imagine me being contractually obligated to provide a good review of The Mighty Ducks 4? What can be said positive about The Mighty Ducks 4? That at least it isn't The Mighty Ducks 5?"

Disney has decided to offer one of the co-anchor positions to hot tween star Miley Cyrus. ABC has appointed exercise guru and Hollywood personality Richard Simmons to fill the other spot.

Ebert added that "Gene would turn over in his grave if he heard the news, except that it's Richard Simmons doing this...and no one wants to stick their ass up when he's around."

In a recent taping to discuss the movie Mama Mia, the following exchange was recorded:

Cyrus: "This movie was, you know, like so, you know. I just couldn't, you know, and then my friend texted me."

Simmons: "Where did you get that blouse? I just love it so much! I think I'd like to wear it to meet Pierce Brosnan, because he is so hot!"

The new, revamped show will debut in September.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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