A direct descendant of J Edgar Hoover, inventor of the dam*, has been discovered by builders during refurbishment work at the BBC. He is thought to date from the early 19th century and claims that he was 'bricked up' as he dozed off after taking a manuscript in and being asked to take a seat in the waiting room.
The man, nicknamed 'Sucker' because of his caved in chest and cheeks, says he had been hoping to launch something called a 'comedy department' after watching both his parents entertain crowds at the circus.
"Mama and Papa used to do this comedy tightrope act" he said. "They were very poor so I was raised on a shoestring".
Mr Sucker considers he was ideally suited to his existence in what rapidly became a vacuum. Thin air was in plentiful supply and provided all the nourishment necessary for the creative processes involved in awaiting rescue.
"Looking on the positive side, I have had plenty of time to think my ideas through and can see that humorous double acts and men doing silly walks are the way forward. I even had a vision of a man called Davidson ... awfully funny." he said. "The possibilities are endless though I don't foresee a situation whereby audiences are left browbeaten by talentless and unimaginative shows".
After a hastily arranged marriage, Mr Sucker died peacefully yesterday. He leaves a Filipino wife, 12 hangers-on and 29 cats with nothing.