The sixth film installment of the hugely successful "Harry Potter" franchise is off to a rather dreary start. Plagued with collapsing sets and diseases running rampant through the young actors (mostly STIs) many are beginning to wonder if the film is cursed.
Due to the enormous pressure he is under, Daniel Radcliffe has taken up chain-smoking, often stopping during takes just to get a puff. When asked about this new habit, co-star Rupert Grint replied "Well, at least its just cigarettes, Emma's moved on to…well, other things." When pressed further about the issue, Grint refused to answer, although he did make a gesture towards his nose and the sugar he was pouring in his coffee.
Sources close to the film say the chaos all began when actor Alan Rickman walked off the set it disgust over a disagreement with director David Yates. Alan Rickman was rumored to mutter something in Gaelic (his native tongue) and walk off along with several of the Irish crew members working on the film.
Production has been greatly delayed because of the need to re-cast the extremely important role of "The Half Blood Prince" that Rickman himself portrayed.
On being asked about the disagreement with Rickman, Director Yates implied it was due to his disapproval of Rickman's relationship with co-star Emma Watson. When pressed further, Yates did not reply but merely pointed at the pornographic film he was watching on his laptop.
Actors ranging from Johnny Depp to Ricky Gervais have auditioned for the part of Snape, but few capture the character quite the way Rickman did. After spending the day auditioning actors, Yates decided to cast Timothy Dalton (Also known as the Worst 007 ever) as Snape. When approached about Dalton portraying Snape, Daniel Radcliffe merely replied "Jesus Christ! The film is falling apart I doubt there will be a seventh." Seeming less than thrilled, Radcliffe stormed off, leaving his script behind.
The only actor who seemed to be keeping it together throughout all the chaos was Rupert Grint, when asked why Grint replied "To tell you the truth, I'm kind of looking to get more "familiar" with Emma before the final film, now that Proffesor Sna-…uh, I mean, Alan is out of the way, I can…What? It's strictly character work!" We did not inquire further as to what this character work entailed.