Gambling Supplants Pedophilia in NY Roman Catholic Diocese

Roman Catholic dioceses across the world and the US of A have been battling a legion of pedophilia cases perpetrated by so-called celibate priests. Whether child molestation causes celibacy or vice causes versa, the NY Archdiocese has disclosed a new slot where priests are putting it.
Rev Patrick Dunne of Our Lady of Sorrows Catholic Church in White Plains, NY is alleged to have been robbing his parishioners blind while he plays the slots, tables and the ponies with their hard earned contributions to the poor. Dunne claims that he was trying to triple the money meant for the poor and that he is the Fr Nathan Detroit Robin Hood of White Plains, NY.
Cardinal "Fast Eddie" Egan, Head of the NY Archdiocese has been slow to condemn the pony-betting pastor. "To tell the truth, I once tried to make budget for the lay teachers' salaries when I was sexcretary of education for this diocese. When I learned that the sex games paid better than Yonkers Raceway, I came over to the much tighter investment plan. The teachers' family still lived on bare-bones budgets but my fellow celibates and I were much happier with the, let's say, divid-ends!"