Bill Oddie Arrested For Watching Dippers & Beavers

Written by Vinyljunkie

Monday, 17 March 2008

image for Bill Oddie Arrested For Watching Dippers & Beavers
Ashamed Oddie 'Once a Goodie'

Former 'Goodie' and Wildlife Presenter Bill Oddie has been arrested at the Highland Widlife Centre Car Park in Kingussie, Scotland for watching Dippers and Beavers, he insisted "I was only there as an observing 'twitcher'."

Giving evidence before Judge Iona Bonnie McCracken at Inverness Sheriff Court Oddie said 'It all started when I met up with a very enthusiastic young man in the car park called Willie Hunter and I was very impressed with his keen interest in local nature he invited me to go along into the forest to look for local Beaver.

'I said I was on an assignment and I had to get on and set up my camera in a hide at the edge of the clearing'.

'I waited for hours and didn't catch sight of one single Dipper, then Willie came back out of the forest, popped his head into the hide and said, 'I've just seen a big dipper in a bush'. I said, 'I hadn't seen anything all afternoon, he said he had often seen Dippers in his hide, then he asked if I would like a sherbet dip or an aniseed ball to suck on while I waited, and then he went back to his car'.

'Nothing happened until around midnight when a few other dedicated local people arrived in their cars and some headlights began flashing, Willie came over and got in the passenger side of my vehicle and said 'You know Bill that beard really suit's you', I asked what was the headlight flashing about, he said it was a signal for the guys to get out and get some wood, which they would beat around the bush to bring the beavers out into the open, then he asked, would I care for a stiff one and I said no I wasn't a great fan of scotch whisky I've got some Jack Daniels with me.'

Oddie admitted his memory was a bit sketchy after this point, taking the stand to give evidence for the Prosecution Constable Donald M. Cumming said, 'When I arrived Mr Oddie was running around in his underpants singing 'Goodie Goodie Yum Yum I've seen a beaver'.

Oddie's Defence Solicitor Mr Fyfe Inches, a senior partner from Watt, Tosh & McGuffie objected to the Constable's evidence and pointed out that the area was only known for Famous Grouse. The case was then adjourned until tomorrow.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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