Pharmaceutical company launches new intravenous ready-meal "to take the waiting out of microwaving"

Written by Simon Cockle

Friday, 11 January 2008

image for Pharmaceutical company launches new intravenous ready-meal "to take the waiting out of microwaving"
Chicken and Ham Pie

A British pharmaceutical company has introduced a new convenience food for 2008 in the form of injectable meals that require no cooking at all. Responding to consumers' criticisms of current microwavable meals, the company have developed a unique method of delivering the wholesome mix of chemicals, salt and fat that ready-meals provide.

CEO Mike Yawl told a news conference yesterday: "Today's consumers don't have time to spare in their busy the 6 minutes it takes to microwave, they could be at a gym, watching a DVD or driving at pedestrians crossing the road."

The new meal, already packed in its own syringe, can be injected into any prominent vein. The nutritional elements can then be delivered to where the body really needs them. At the same time, fats can be cemented to artery walls, thus reducing the time it takes to induce coronary embolisms. The product can also be injected into eyeballs and, in a move aimed at the fashion conscious, between the toes to avoid tell-tale scars. P & G hinted, too, at a variation of the product that could be inhaled by heating it over tinfoil.

Reacting to accusations that the new product would further reduce the image of an already low-value meal, Yawl suggested that "many would have said the same about dog-fighting, but people still do it." He did warn, however, against the sharing of meals which might increase the risk of hepatitis C and HIV infection.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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