Spoof Writer Apologies for Janet Jackson Story

Funny story written by dalepetrie

Wednesday, 4 February 2004

image for Spoof Writer Apologies for Janet Jackson Story
I'm sooooooooo sorry!

On Monday, February 2, 2004, Spoof writer dalepetrie posted a story entitled Janet Jackson's Superbowl Nipple Slip Reveals She's A Cyborg", thinking this to be a rather amusing take on the brouhaha surrounding the now infamous nipple slip. At the time he posted this story, he was extra proud of his 70s pop culture reference embedded within the story. Little did he know that half a million people in America were sitting at their desks, just waiting to get home from work, away from the glaring eyes of the porn filters and system administrators in their offices, to log onto the internet from the privacy of their own homes, and search Google News for key terms such as "Janet Jackson Nipple".

"I had always hoped some day half a million people would read something I wrote," dalepetrie was quoted as saying, "I just didn't expect it to happen so suddenly, or to cause this much fallout."

About an hour and a half after dalepetrie posted his story, he checked his stats to see an astonishing 7,000 views...at first he did not even notice the count, expecting maybe a dozen hits would have occurred by then. But when he did see the number he guessed it to be a mistake, and even if it was not, he did not think the volume would be catastrophic to the Spoof. "I just figured I might actually beat my Paris Hilton story," dalepetrie said, "but half an hour later Jackson had already gained more views than Hilton, and another 2 hours later it had twice as many page views as the Hilton story...that's when I started to get nervous."

Shortly after this, dalepetrie left work where he probably shouldn't have been posting Spoof stories anyway, made his way home, and told his wife about the popularity of his story. When his wife asked to see the story, dalepetrie logged onto the site and was greeted with the announcement that the Spoof was dead. On hearing this news, dalepetrie cried like a little bitch, mourning the loss of his new friends in the Spoof community, his outlet for his ludicrous writings (most of which are little more than a pale front for his attacks on US President George W. Bush), and for the anguish he most certainly caused all those writers who have come to make the Spoof as great as it is.

"It was the happiest day of my life when I was able to log onto the spoof again, nearly a full day after thinking I had killed it," dalepetrie said. "I'd just like to apologize to all the spoof writers who for one brief but terrifying moment in time were left wondering where they would be able to post their rantings. The story's live again, but I told Paul to take it down if and when it becomes necessary." When asked if he learned anything from this, dalepetrie responded with the most fitting of cliches, "I guess it's true...the keyboard truly is mightier than the sword."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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