[Virginia Observer] Police were called in today to quell a domestic disturbance at the home of Michael "Wacko" Jackson's publicist, Raymone K. Bain.
A 911 was placed around 9:20 a.m. after Ms. Bain found the 8' Heritage Scotch Pine in her front had been cut down.
Ms. Bain's frantic call said she had found the tree in her guest bathroom using the toilet as a tree stand. When she tried to remove the tree, Mr. Jackson become hysterical and began to windmill slap her and blow enormous snot bubbles in her direction.
Mr. Jackson, who was evicted from a guest house in Las Vegas in July, had apparently cut down the tree and set it up in the bathroom during a pre-Christmas frenzy that lasted throughout the night.
Ms. Bain also charged that Mr. Jackson had used her credit cards, without her permission, to charge almost $5,000 of pre-Christmas "gifts" on late night infomercials and $223,000 in "pharmacy" bills. One officer said she kept screaming, "How many Chia Pets and Quaaludes can one person use?" while trying to snatch off Mr. Jackson's wig and gouge his eyes out.
In July, the home that Mr. Jackson was evicted from was found to be filled with dead, half-decorated, excrement smeared Christmas trees, excrement stained mattresses on excrement-slick floors, excrement smeared walls and closets filled with greasy, excrement filled, KFC buckets.
When police arrived at Ms. Bain's trailer, two masked, Underoo-wearing children were found on the front lawn, crying and holding empty Tampax boxes with Christmas bows affixed on top. Upon entering the double-wide, the police found Mr. Jackson on his hands and knees looking for his nose which Ms. Bain had apparently slapped off in self defense.
After searching through piles and piles of trash and empty food containers, neither the nose nor the third child, "Blanket", could be found.
Mr. Jackson and Ms. Bain both became evasive when asked about the whereabouts of Mr. Jackson's youngest child and were taken to the police station for further questioning and possible charges.
An Amber Alert may be issued later today.
