A spokesperson for hotel fortune heiress Paris Hilton announced today that the results of her I.Q. test have come back and the results are hardly surprising. According to the spokesperson, who wished to remain anonymous, Ms. Hilton tested negative for intelligence.
"I don't think this qualifies as breaking news", said the spokesperson. "I mean, let's face it, Paris Hilton has all the intellectual firepower of a sack of potatoes. She's way stupid. Rich, but stupid.
E. Felix Bloch, a researcher at Eugenesys, a Washington D.C. based think tank which studies the impact of stupid celebrities on intelligence of Americans, indicated that he is not surprised at Hilton's lack of I.Q. either and expressed concern that people such as Hilton are driving down our society's collective cognitive ability with their stupid behaviors, many of which are publicized ad nauseam and glorified. Dr. Bloch said that he would like to see Rosie O'Donnell tested for I.Q. "I think we have another thick one with Rosie, no pun attended. Remember, she's the one who thinks fire cannot melt steel?"
Sal Manella
