Andrew Speaker, the lawyer infected with a medication-resistant strain of tuberculosis, has been declared an enemy combatant and remanded to the custody of the Department of Defense, according to a Bush administration official, who spoke to this reporter anonymously. The official went on to say that Speaker will soon be transferred to the United States Naval Base at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, where an undisclosed number of suspected terrorists are currently being held. The official said that Mr. Speaker will be held in solitary confinement in order to protect the terrorists.
President Bush defended the decision to hold Speaker as an enemy combatant. "He has the capacity to infect other people with a biological weapon, he was on an airplane, he's a lawyer. This ain't exactly rocket science here!" The president went on to say that "if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and sounds like a duck, it's probably a terrorist."