Lindsay Lohan's DUI / Cocaine charges Confirm Disturbing Trend

Funny story written by Buck E Filbert

Sunday, 27 May 2007

image for Lindsay Lohan's DUI / Cocaine charges Confirm Disturbing Trend
Lindsay's Mercedes may need some work

Lindsay Lohan was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence and cocaine possession at a Los Angeles hospital early yesterday morning. Lohan was driving with two companions through Beverly Hills when she lost control of her Mercedes, striking a curb and some trees.

Los Angeles police were alerted to an accident that occurred at the intersection of Foothill and Sunset by a phone call. When they arrived at the location there were no people to be found and located Lohan at a nearby hospital. She was arrested under suspicion of DUI; police also stated there was a usable amount of cocaine found. It was not found on Lohan and the details of the discovery have yet to be released.

There has been a rash of celebrity violations lately, Paris Hilton broke probation by driving twice on a revoked license. Tom Sizemore was arrested in Bakersfield for arguing with a hotel clerk, when police arrived they found Sizemore in his car outside the hotel. After searching his car police found methamphetamine in his possession.

Clinical physiologist, Betty White says, "this trend of celebrities gone bad is becoming very disturbing, Paris Hilton gets 45 days so Lindsay Lohan has to do her one better by getting a DUI / drug charge. Sizemore ups the ante for possession of meth. Where does it end?"

Motion picture and record company executives are also concerned, Jeffery Katzenberg stated, " If things keep going the way they are, how long is it going to be before Britney Spears pops a cap in someone's ass. Or Jessica Simpson knocks over a City National Bank, stop the insanity now before it totally gets out of hand."

Trends are hard to anticipate but if things proceed like they are now the California prisons will be able to mount one hell of a production of, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof next year.

From the Desk of
Buck E Filbert

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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