Brad Pitt kidnapped by Heroin Addict

Funny story written by Ana Ward

Wednesday, 4 April 2007

image for Brad Pitt kidnapped by Heroin Addict
Brad left in such a hurry - he left one shoe behind

Straight from the news room of CNN in Vietnam amid the shootings in the cafeteria: Mr Angelina Jolie-Pitt (Brad to those of us who are not feminists!) has been kidnapped by none other than the biological mother of Pax Jolie - Angelina's new addiction - adoption! Or so it is speculated.

Brad Pitt was last seen playing in the park with Pax, Maddox, Shiloh and Zahara wearing a gorgeous lilac cashmere sweater (the new pink), tight Elvis Presley stove pipe jeans (the new Levis) and extremely alluring hair gel. A group of stay at home mothers noticed the four children immediately with the angel watching over them, and were fascinated by their "normality" as they knew they were the little Jolie-Pitts. Whilst engrossed in the fathers good looks, a black stripe or vision appeared and with a whirlwind effect, causing much dust and sending some children and birds flying up in the air, was there and then gone within seconds. When the dust settled, and birds and children alike landed on all fours - the dazed mothers realised that the children were alone and the "hunk of an angel" was nowhere in sight.

There have been many versions of the same incident:

  1. It was a flying vampire with long flowing hair.
  2. It was a witch with long flowing black hair.
  3. It was a dust storm and strangely enough it had long black hair.
  4. It was an alien with long stripy black hair.
  5. It was Jesus coming to save Brad from the claws of the lady with long black hair.
  6. I didn't see anything except a long black blur.
  7. See what? I just came to the park to sleep away my hangover.
  8. I didn't see anything except a goddess floating above my head calling my name.
  9. Am I going to be famous?

The suspect, a bodyless creature with long black hair, is on the loose. Should you see this head - do not interogate it, or speak to it, please consult you local directory for your closest "psychiatric hospital". They too may not know what to do with it.

Angelina was also questioned, but as she is the prime suspect, she has been placed into custody, until such time as one of the four children present who witnessed the kidnapping actually verbalise what happened. Maddox's few words were - "They took my daddy instead of Paxie!!". Zahara just glared at the cameras and cried. Shiloh smiled and tried to grab the camera from the photographers hands. What a cutie pie she is! Already wanting to be part of the hollywood bling bling. Pax, new to all of this chaos and attention, just sat and stared ahead at nothing in particular, not a tear in sight!

We will keep you updated here on the CNN Spoof of all times.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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