Satirist and humor writer, King David was reportedly "embracing the suck" of spring cleaning yesterday and vacuuming up all the leprechauns as they defiantly turned into dust balls for not being allowed to participate in yesterday's St. Patrick's Day Parade in New York because of a ban on costumes.
The wee men protested to parade officials that those were not costumes, but real garb as the satirist made his rounds in his home with an industrial vac given to him by former lover, Demi Moore.
"Nothing is giving me more pleasure right now than sucking up all of those dust balls with this vacuum cleaner," said the satirist who suffers from allergies to dust and pollen.
The satirist was reported taking a break from his work and his writing to catch up on some much needed cleaning.
Apparently, the dust had gotten so bad that not even the rats or mice or ants would visit the solitary King ,and, his neighbors, after seeing the pile up through the satirist's windows, mistook the dust for smoke and called the fire department.
"That was a pile-up of many disappointed leprechauns," said the satirist sipping a green beer. "Guess they'll never share their pots-o-gold with anyone."
Despite the diversion of defiant leprechauns turning to dust in the writer's home and hoarding their pots-o-gold from parade officials, there was still more cleaning that needed to be done for the sink of the satirist and bathroom caulk had turned a brilliant, mossy green.
"Lovely," was the satirist's droll comment.
Sensing the satirist's desperation, former New Orleans resident and current Durham Glitter Queen, Alison Acorn made a deal with the satirist. In exchange for favors that the Queen would request on an "as needed basis" she would, in turn, offer her services to the King.
The King, sleeping on the thought and sensing opportunity with the young Queen, took her up on the proposal and will enlist her services soon in planting the royal garden.
"We must wait until the soil is moist," said the King "and there is no danger of a freeze."
No word exactly on what the pair will plant and no date has been set for the planting, but the King says that there will be plenty jalapeño peppers and flowers in the garden.
Why jalapeño peppers in anybody's guess. But those who read the Spoof will know and can attest to a jalapeno pepper's potency, the least of which renders him green on St. Patty's Day.
In other news today, people wake up green from drinking too much green beer.