Harvard Board of Overseers to Donate University's $29.2 Billion Endowment to Charity.

Funny story written by The Watch Dog

Saturday, 17 March 2007

image for Harvard Board of Overseers to Donate University's $29.2 Billion Endowment to Charity.
A View Of The Future? Is This An Image Of A Class In Harvard Medical School Without An Endowment?

At a press conference in Cambridge Massachusetts the Harvard Board of Overseers announced that it had voted to donate the University's $29.2 Billion endowment to charity.

Reading from a prepared statement, Reginald Davis Porter-O'Rourke IInd., the Chairspokesperson of the Harvard Board of Overseers, said:

"At our last meeting we (the Harvard Board of Overseers) realized that we could not continue using this money to educate intellectual snobs, pretentious fools, and spoiled rich kids. AIDS in Africa, famine in Asia, global warming, and the extinction of species demand action. We cannot sit on the sideline any longer. We can talk no longer; we need to act. Therefore, we have decided to donate the full endowment of Harvard University to charities that seek to solve these problems."

The response of the faculty of Harvard University was decidedly negative.

Dr. Naomi Rosenbloom, Chair of the Department of Social Work. said "Why are we giving this money to the needy? They'll waste it. They'll spend it on transitory issues such as food. The poor need programs staffed by trained professional Social Workers to make sure they spend it the right way. "

Dr. Chapman Harris, Hooker Chemical Endowed Professor of Divinity in the Department of Theology also thought the Trustees were going too far. "I don't mind giving to people who need help," he said. "But I think the pain of this action should be born equally. The Divinity School is being asked to give up too much. What purpose is served by cutting out the Sherry at our Friday colloquia on Liberation Theology?"

In a related matter, Massachusetts State Police were called on to quell a riot using tear gas, fire hoses, and rubber bullets. The disturbance involved members of the League of Women Voters, the Environmental Defense Fund, Greenpeace, ACT-UP, and the Quaker Friends' Service Committee. The altercation started because of a dispute between members of the groups concerning who was first in line at the door to the Office of the Harvard Board of Overseers. Charges are pending. People bitten by ACT-UP members during the disturbance are being held for observation at Massachusetts General Hospital.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more