FAIRFAX COUNTY - (Satire News) - The particulars of the Johnny Depp Vs. Amber Heard Lawsuit Trial have finally been released.
According to Pico de Gallo with Tittle Tattle Tonight, the judge in the case, Midlred Y. Bindybuff, 76, ruled that Ms. Heard must pay Mr. Depp $2.3 million and Mr. Depp must pay Ms. Heard $2.3 million.
De Gallo asked the judge, "So then it appears that the two monetary settlements will in essence cancel each other out."
Judge Bindybuff, who is a former atheist, but is now an Epismoratorian, replied, "Yes Mr. de Gallo, your arithmetic is perfect."
The judge then added that she should have really just fined each of the two arrogant, conceited, privileged individuals at least $2 million each for having the unmitigated audacity to waste the court's time.
In A Related Story: The judge has ordered the two douche bags to not get within 17 fucking miles of each other, or else she will have the two arrested and sent down to Rotten Cotton Federal State Prison in Alabama.