Britney Spears Shaves Her Head Bald, Gets Tattoos, Checks Into Rehab

Written by Throckmorton Turdblossom

Saturday, 17 February 2007

image for Britney Spears Shaves Her Head Bald, Gets Tattoos, Checks Into Rehab
Britney Spears, the original "Girl gone wild," has done it again

Britney Spears has done it again. Now, the former pop princess has shaved her head, had that head tattooed, and checked into and out of a California rehab facility all on the same day. Those three topics will be covered one at a time:

Shaved Head:
Britney no longer has her sometimes blond, sometimes brown tresses. She now sports the Yul Brenner/Kojak cut. When asked why, the singer responded with the following:

"I have found the Reverend Moon and he has fulfilled me. I want to be a Hari Krishna and sell books in airports for the rest of my life."

"Who loves ya, baby?"

A few hours later, Britney had abandoned the plans for a religious life as a Tibetan monk/Moonie and was seen entering a tattoo parlour. When she exited, her head sported a tattoo of a giant pair of red and pink lips. When asked the reason for that particular tattoo in that particular spot, she answered:

"Everyone is really familiar with and wants to see my lower set of lips, so I thought I'd give them a second shot when I was walking away."

Before leaving the tattoo parlour, she allowed pictures of those lips to be taken by Hollywood photographer Buck E. Filbert, now famous for his expose' stories on those famous "southern lips."

Britney checked herself into and out of a rehab facility on the same day. This magazine was able to obtain a photocopy of her admissions documents and read that she was entering the facility to be treated for alchohol addiction. When asked why she left the facility just two hours later, Britney said:

"I saw Lindsay Lohan inside and she told me there was this really hot party with Paris and the gang tonight. Besides, if they can't give you a shot or something to fix things immediately, what kind of doctors are they anyway? What's with this twelve step program? Besides, I'm not letting them mess with my social life. I've got to take advantage of things now before I get old and saggy and look like Rosie O'Donnell or something.

Britney was later spotted that night at a Hollywood hot spot, flashing all three sets of lips, letting people rub her head, giving out the last of her B'hvad Gita books, and drinking straight from a bottle of Jack Daniel's (black label).

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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