Uri Geller Bends Other Things

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 9 August 2020

image for Uri Geller Bends Other Things
Run for your lives!

There was controversy all round on Saturday, when it was revealed that, after 50 years of spoon-bending, the Israeli-British telepathic psychic and illusionist Uri Geller had 'branched out' into new territory, and had started bending other things.

Geller, 73, was about to have dinner with his wife, Hanna, at home, but clearly had something on his mind. He sat pensively stroking his chin as Hanna tucked into her Shepherd's Pie and beans.

Suddenly, his chin assumed a new shape unlike anything his wife had ever seen before.

She screamed.

Uri stopped stroking his chin and, instinctively made a grab for his knife and fork.

They bent in his hands as if they had been plasticine.

Uri dropped the cutlery, and placed his hands on the table in order to stand up. The table creaked and collapsed under his hands.

Now in a blind panic, Uri rose from his chair, and strode out of the room, heading for the front door. As he grasped the door handle, it withered in his hand. Acting on instinct, he launched a wooden coffee table through his living-room window- bending as it flew - and made for his car.

Fumbling in his pocket for his keys with his right hand, his left hand reached for the car door. When his hand came out of his pocket, he saw a mangled mass of metal, and the car door suddenly folded inwards under the silky, sensuous touch of his psychokinetic fingers.

Lost for words, for once, Uri sat on his driveway, trying not to touch anything else.

The police arrived, and erected a special 'Incident Tent' around Geller, until experts arrived at the scene.

A police spokesman said, later:

"That's what you get for dabbling in things you don't understand!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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