Kiwi Kiri's Knickergate

Written by Jon Duncan

Sunday, 4 February 2007

image for Kiwi Kiri's Knickergate
The disappointed opera buffs

In court for the 98th day of continuous cross-examination, Dame Kiwi Ke Tanawa insisted the smell of fetid underwear was why she could not go ahead with a tour with Aussie John Farnham.

"Just sharing the stage with him made me gag," she explained. "He'd come out in his crusty Y-fronts night after night, saying they were his 'lucky pants'. Even if you could get upwind of him, the stench of his cheesy knick-knacks was overpowering.

"I'm a classical sort of dame," she went on, to the somnambulant accompaniment of loud snores from the lolling jury. "When I perform my arias, I need a clear head and unimpeded nostrils."

The case continues.

Court TV's Ossie Hack reporting from the New South Wales State Supreme Court

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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