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With the release of Ed Sheerans new collaboration album we looked into our jealous, black hearts and asked ourselves what collaborations we’d like to see Ed collaborate on next. The results, as expected, were bitter, twisted and slightly aggressive.
1. Ed Sheeran featuring The Rolling Sounds Of A Turbulent Sea - Listen to the sounds of Ed’s smooth jazz composition as he stands buried up to his neck in sand and the tide slowly comes in to drown him.
2. Ed Sheeran featuring A Pride Of Hungry Lions - Check out Ed’s African tribal music-influenced piece utilising dozens of traditional instruments from the African continent. Instead of a chorus, it’s just Ed’s screams as the lions feast upon his intestines.
3. Ed Sheeran featuring A Firing Squad - A real “sound of the summer” song guaranteed to go off with a bang.
4. Ed Sheeran featuring Back and to the Left Music - We rewrote Ed’s No1 hit “The A Team”, and turned it into a song about ginger people being unable to go outside. Seriously, come and check us out at our next gig - it’s hilarious.
5. Ed Sheeran featuring A Clone Of Ed Sheeran - Twice the Sheeran, twice the shite. Definitely just an album-filler.
Some people might suggest that this is just a bitter, cheap shot at one of the UKs most popular and influential songwriters, and we say to those people that Ed Sheeran collects children’s feet. No, we don’t have any proof, but if he wasn’t famous and we showed you his picture, your first reaction would be “this dude collects the feet of the young”, and we’d be like “we know, right!!”