A Psychic Reveals His 2017 Celebrity Predictions

Written by Dante Liberatore

Monday, 9 October 2017

image for A Psychic Reveals His 2017 Celebrity Predictions

The Amazing Fernando, a clairvoyant (and part time locksmith), has disclosed his latest celebrity predictions, making the world privy to the spooky insights of a man clinically proven to have the psychic ability of fourteen men and a horse.

"And now," the psychic said while retrieving his 'crystal ball from the future,' "..I predict that Jared Leto will transform himself so completely to play the voice of 'Garfield' in "Garfield - A Smitten Kitten II" that he will eat nothing but Purina Cat Chow for the rest of his life.. 

And lookie here," the psychic added. "..I foresee that actor/ writer/producer/director George Clooney will be officially declared so handsome, so perfect, so wonderful, so prized, so rich and so darn unique that he will be kidnapped by The Smithsonian..

And as I gawk further into my crystal ball of the future," the Amazing Fernando went on to say, "I see that Leonardo DiCaprio will become so consumed with 'Climate Change' he will be spotted in Antarctica trying to replenish a dwindling glacier with a 2 million Kenmore Energy-Star Rated Ice makers..  

And in an amazing turn of events," he further stated. "..my crystal ball is telling me that George Clooney will lose the 'Best Actor' win at the 2018 "Academy Awards" show to Carrot Top. Amazing!

And I'm seeing something here.. It's a little foggy.. Oh, I got it.  On keeping his campaign promise to punish her for her email crimes, President Trump will sentence Hillary Clinton to serve two years as a 'Cigarette Girl' at his newly constructed Trump Aleppo Hotel & Casino.. Thank you and goodbye."

With that, The Amazing Fernando left the interview, and what his 'crystal ball of the future' failed to tell him was there were 2 men dressed in white and holding a straightjacket outside his office there to take him to a local mental institution.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more