Los Angeles - Doctors at Hollywood's Seedy Sign Eye Hospital have diagnosed a dose of the Pox behind Ms's Jolie's abrupt withdrawal from Monday's premiere of her movie Unhinged.
The actress, 69, began sprouting pustules of the contagious disease following her return from Africa where the movie was filmed.
Last night she was rushed to the Emergency Room after a cluster of pox marks burst before being transferred to a makeshit - uh, makeshift! - Ebola monitoring suite.
A spokesperson at the LA clinic treating Ms Jolie was keen to quash internet reports she'd succumbed to the Bubonic Plague after spending the night going commando in the South African Veldt.
Selfies posted from her hospital suite show a variety of oozing pockmarks typical of the
bite of an infected flea, Xenopsylla cheopis, or common rat flea.
Varicella zoster virus scabs can also be seen lurking in the background, possibly a souvenir from a London hotel bed bug infestation during her recent trip.
Brad Pitt is 105.