Written by Gee Pee

Thursday, 20 February 2014

In a recent magazine interview, former Spice Girl Victoria ("Posh") Beckham admitted that, since having her breast implants removed, she has "lost quite a bit" of her "allure" and her husband, David, has filed for divorce.

In addition, she was dropped from the band of which she had been a long-standing member, and her sponsors have abandoned her.

When producers of Sex in the City: The Movie (2007) discovered that she had had her implants removed, they rescinded their offer of a role for her in the movie.

And Hugh Humpher, publisher of Playboy, told her agent, "She can forget about appearing in my magazine."

"In some ways, having my implants removed was costlier than having them installed," Posh confessed. "Without tits, a woman has no career in entertainment; just ask Angelina Jolie."

What led her to such a fateful decision?

"They were repossessed," David claimed, "for non-payment."

"That's a lie!" Posh insisted, when she was told of her former husband's allegation. "I paid of the left implant in 2006 and the other a year later."

She had her implants removed, she said, for three reasons: "I found that I am too emaciated to bear the extra weight, and, as you may remember, in 2000, right after I had had them installed, there was an attempt to kidnap me. Later, I learned, the thugs wanted to ransom my implants, as trophies, to the highest bidder."

And the third reason?

"I'm considering a sex-change, if you must know," she replied, "and men don't have breasts--well, men other than David, anyway."

David has breast implants?

"Mine," Posh clarified, "in a jar of formaldehyde. He bought them at auction."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
79 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more