Written by Bureau

Thursday, 2 January 2014


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson Tries To Help Newlyweds With Sex Advice, Others!!

You young marrieds listen up as I want to pass along a few things to help your marriage.

Now, you may have been at it for a couple of months....don't blush Marsha....but things are starting to cool off a bit and you ain't pregnant either. This here advice can help you and your young man to have a good time even when you get to be my age.

One word: Mandrake. If you'll go to Mamie Leathers, she'll make it up for you but she won't tell you what else she uses or I'd tell you myself.

This is really good for you and you won't be having headaches and seeing people turning blue like them pills those Quack (makes a noise with duck call) doctors sell you for $10 each. Mamie Leathers asks $5 for a year's worth and you just rub it on.

Mamie's late husband who had that funny walk got seeing visions before he died but no wonder, after using mandrake for 40 years.

Also, don't break mirrors kids, 7-years of bad luck, don't let your milk boil over and always cover up your winder lights and mirrors when it's a storm because it attracts lightning.

That's enough for now. You see me once a month for the next six months and you'll have a good marriage.

Now you all come home with me. The wife's got a heaping helping of some good Louisiana vittles.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more