Network Wages War on Grass

Funny story written by S.A. Merk

Tuesday, 30 July 2013

HOLLYWOOD - A&E presents the new original real-life series "Grass Wars," which follows two suburban homeowners and - their lawns. Audiences can tune in each weeknight for three full hours to watch their grass grow starting at 7pm Eastern/ 6pm CST.

The two new reality stars may be half Mowed Warrior, half Weed Wacker, and half Green Thumb, but they are ALL reality TV. Join these Lawn Rangers to see if the grass is really greener on their side of the fence.

Trying to capitalize on the mind-numbing profitability of shows like, "Porridge Wars," "Tale Wars," "Barking Wars," "Mime Wars," "Whisker Wars," "Fan Wars," "War Wars," and "Fruitcake Wars" the network scrambled to put together the next big show "before all the good names were taken."

While initial ratings were remarkably high, it was discovered that the numbers were inflated because some viewers mistook the show's title for something else. Nielson reps are investigating why it took so long for this section of the audience to realize what the show was really about. Sources are confident that the ratings will eventually return to normal once these "confused" viewers finally get up to change the channel.

A Hollywood insider leaked an email that showed producers were considering using the ever-popular, titillating "- Wives" title. But the top rated titles, "Grass Wives" and "My Wife's Big Grass" were deemed too provocative for some sponsors.

According to network executives, market research has shown that a significant percentage of their target demographic experiences more than enough mental stimulation when watching grass grow. They plan on expanding this type of quality entertainment for their fall lineup.

Be sure to tune in to watch the Lawn Rangers in "Grass Wars" on A&E.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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