Lindsay Lohan Voted The Most Messed Up Patient In The Entire Rehab Clinic

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 12 May 2013

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Lindsay will spend 90 days at The Henry & Betty Ford Rehab Clinic unless of course she gets bored and decides to leave.

LOS ANGELES - Well it did not take the little lost Hollywood starlet long before she caused problems at her new surroundings at The Henry & Betty Ford Rehab Clinic in Los Angeles.

The clinic's executive director Cayenne Gayla Wheatgrass told members of the assembled press that when Miss Lohan first walked into the clinic she actually thought that she was going be met with cheers and applause.

But instead the celebutante was showered with boos and hisses as most of the patients have no sympathy for someone who is wasting away her talent and who keeps getting away with stuff that the average female would go to prison for.

Ms. Wheatgrass said that Lindsay was assigned her old identification number which is #73013.

An inside source who spoke on condition of anonymity stated that right off the bat Lohan went up to the rehab clinic's security guard Van Buren Mollycoddle and tried to hit him up for a cigarette.

Mollycoddle informed her that smoking was strictly prohibited. She then asked him for a beer. He told her that the clinic was a no-beer establishment.

The source then said that a frustrated Lindsay in desperation raised up her miniskirt and showed the security guard her pink bikini thong panties.

The guard's eyes got the size of ping pong balls. He assured her that he was not gay, but added that he could not let his lascivious libido take over so he simply pretended that Lohan was 87-year-old Cloris Leachman.

Meanwhile clinic nurse Cadenza Costapino said that Miss Lohan is one of the worst patients she has ever seen including Paris "I'm Hot" Hilton.

Costapino commented that Lohan has a foul mouth on her that makes Madonna seem like a St. Louis nun.

And the director of Anger Management Talbot F. Neckingbrewster said that Lohan is a hard nut to crack. He added that she keeps saying that she is the queen of the solar system and that she wants to have Clay Aiken's baby.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I spoke with Ryan "Peaches" Seacrest and he told me that Lindsay has already been named The Most Messed Up Patient At The Henry & Betty Ford Rehab Clinic.]

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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