With awards season in full swing, all eyes we're on the Borchester Hotel in London's glittering West End this week as the A-list to end all A-lists arrived to pay tribute to those entertainment luminaries who really make a difference to our lives.
Representatives from the world of showbiz were present to face the music after the latest year of drip-feeding the nation a diet of utter shite 2012-2013.
Bookies had stopped taking bets on certain recipients and many of the awards were bestowed predictably but there were some surprises.
As usual, the lifetime achievement award for 'Services-To-Destroying-Music' went to Simon Cowell for the tenth year in a row.
The boys from One Direction were 'thrilled' to pick up the 'Musical Antithesis' award although 'pop hunk' Harry Stiles was said to be upset and crying to his mum when she explained what 'antithesis' meant.
BBC Radio 2 was also honoured as the recipient of the 'Major-broadcaster-who-delivered-the-largest-percentage-of-formula-written-garbage-to an-undiscerning-audience' award.
Perhaps the biggest headache for the panel of judges was the 'Worst-live-performance-of-2012' award. With several opening and closing ceremonies and a royal jubilee to choose from, there was certainly some stiff competition. But after much deliberation, the board were unanimous in naming Cheryl Cole as the most impressive vocal car-crash of the year for her ill-judged performance outside Buckingham Palace.
As usual, Lady Gaga won the 'Style-Over-Content' award with distinction and, with similar unanimity, the public voted overwhelmingly to award Louis Walsh with a special one-off accolade, 'The-Person-We'd-Most-Dearly-Love-To-See-Publicly-Executed' award.
Sadly, Mr Walsh wasn't present to pick up his award. "I'm afraid Louis is elsewhere making a real difference to people's lives," said his spokesman, a small, effeminate, young lad with a crew-cut and wearing little dungarees.
