Kristen Stewart's Monumental Meltdown

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 27 January 2013

image for Kristen Stewart's Monumental Meltdown
Kristen wondering why Rob Pattinson won't forgive her indiscretion and take her back. (Photo by Rico Chorizo).

VENICE BEACH - The female star of the Twilight Saga movie series, Kristen Stewart was recently spotted down on Venice Beach walking barefoot and mumbling to herself.

K-Stew, as Vice-President Joe Biden nicknamed her, has of late been acting extremely moody, sullen, and downright despondent.

Hollywood Innuendo reported that due to this morose behavior she has had three different maids quit just within the past week.

One of the cleaning ladies identified as Organzola Pretzelburger said that she has never seen a more melancholy individual than Stewart.

She went on to reveal that she actually witnessed K-Stew have a huge meltdown in the shallow end of her swimming pool on January 25.

Miss Pretzelburger also noted that twice she saw Miss Stewart pick up fruit (a pear and a banana) and toss them at her big screen TV in unbridled anger.

Fajita San Guacamole with Hollywood Innuendo remarked that Kristen is upset at the fact that her ex-boyfriend and fellow Twilight co-star Rob Pattinson has decided that he does not really want her back in his life.

Rob is said to have told Miss San Guacamole that if he wants to live dangerously he will go out and buy a piranha and every now and then quickly pet the son of a gun.

He pointed out that Kristen seems to just sit and stew (no pun intended) in her frustrated frustration and unsatisfied satisfaction.

RPattz stated that The Tinsel Town Times Tribune recently named its List of The Top 100 Sexiest Female Celebrities For 2013.

He commented that Kristen was furious that she was listed at #99. She bitterly complained to her hair stylist FuFi Fondue that Jennifer Aniston came in at #9, Jennifer Lopez was #13, Jennifer Beals was #21, Jennifer Love-Hewitt was #27, and Jennifer Lawrence was #31.

Fondue reportedly asked her why she had singled out all of the Jennifer's. Stewart grinned, took two sips of her Mango Margarita, and replied that she was unaware that she had only mentioned Jennifer's.

SIDENOTE: Pattinson has told Hollywood Innuendo on several occasions that he has tried to get Kristen to see a therapist but she refuses saying that there is nothing wrong with her and she is as level headed and as normal as Lindsay Lohan.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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