Hulk Hogan Swears The Sex Tape Is Photoshopped

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 23 October 2012


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A video cassette containing the Hulk Hogan sex tape titled, "Slam Bam! Thank You Ma'am."

INDIANAPOLIS - Terry Bollea, better known as Hulk Hogan, was in Indianapolis at The One Gadzillion Books Bookstore signing copies of his latest book Me & Rocky III.

Afterwards he was asked by the book store's manager, Pirrelo Slimpike, about the alleged sex tape of him and a woman identified as Lolly Quickmire of El Segundo.

Right away Hogan became visibly upset as evidenced by the fact that he picked up a handy copy of Paul Ryan's book Hey Folks, I Don't Lie - Yes I'm Sorta Prone To Stretching The Truth A Bit But I Don't Lie and proceeded to tear it in half.

After that he picked up a stapler and crushed it as if it was a pretzel. Mr. Slimpike fearing that Hogan could be reaching for him next took a couple of steps back and asked him if he cared to give his side of the story.

Hogan, with sweat falling from his eyelids, nose, and tongue asked, "Is Santa Claus overweight? Is Danny DeVito the size of a Wizard of Oz munchkin? Does Barbara Walters have a lisp?"

Slimpike hesitated, but replied, "Yes, yes, and oh yes."

The 59-year-old champion wrestler told him that the sex tape has been been photoshopped.

He added that he does not know the woman in the tape who is believed to be Lolly Quickmire of El Segundo where the tape was purportedly made.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: According to my excellent unnamed, highly reputable source, Lolly Quickmire is saying that the woman in the video is not her but lookalike La Brea resident Natasha Breadtower. Breadtower meanwhile says that she has never been to El Segundo. She then corrected herself and said that she did go to 'El Seggy' one time back on September 13, of 2002, when she attended her niece Margarita Swishpumley's seventh birthday party which was held at Bouncy Bounce Land at a local Burger Bandit.]

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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