Church holds key to rural turnout

Funny story written by Joe Leff

Monday, 27 August 2012

International wrestling champion Igor T. Church has been called in to chuck out the eleven farmworkers still occupying the cellar of Lord Swilling's country manor house in Somerset.

The angry villagers decided on the blockade, now in its sixth day, as a protest against the notorious drunken revelry of Lord Swilling's boozy weekend parties, which often last until Tuesday.

The giant-sized Church is famous for his fearsome hold whereby he applies a simultaneous arm-lock and throat clamp on his unfortunate opponents. Using his deadly flailing forearm smash he can flatten several victims in quick succession. He also holds the U.K. distance record for hurling opponents a long way out of the ring.

Previous attempts by the parish council to eject the protestors have failed, and even police snatch squads have been beaten off.

"That cellar," growled Church, "could do with a good turnout.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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