Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes Reach A Divorce Settlement

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 10 July 2012


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Tom gets to keep all of his shoes which are equipped with three-inch lifts. (Photo by Ginger Allred).

NEW YORK CITY - Katie Holmes, 33, says that she hasn't been as happy as she is now since she was a little girl growing up in Toledo, Ohio, and she first discovered chocolate ice cream cones.

The soon-to-be-ex-wife of Tom Cruise, 50, told Ashburn Wasabi with The Right Coast Illustrated Revue that she is thrilled with the fantastic settlement that her attorneys Gorgonzola, Gomez, & Granolawitz hammered out for her.

Holmes said that Tommy's attorney, Ginger Allred, readily agreed to all of her requests.

Katie did not want to say too much but did reveal that she will retain sole custody of Suri Clonella Cruise, plus she will get $300 million in cash.

Holmes said that Cruise readily agreed to the figure which represents half of their total worth in exchange for Katie promising never ever to reveal personal, intimate, alleged facts regarding Tom and such well known celebrities as RuPaul, Chaz Bono, Betty White, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Kat Von D, Maksim Chmerkovskiy, Bristol Palin, John Travolta, and a couple of Los Angeles Lakers players.

Ginger Allred also pointed out that Katie gets to keep her collection of Barbie Dolls which is believed to number somewhere around 225 dolls.

Allred noted that Tom will get to keep his entire collection of 65 three-inch lift shoes.

In News From The Republic of China. Chinese authorities are searching for the individual or individuals who tagged The Great Wall of China with four foot high graffiti that reads: Hey, this wall ain't so great.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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