Johnny Depp Furious As His Girlfriend of 14 Years Vanessa Paradis Says She Wants Half of His $350 Million

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 1 July 2012

image for Johnny Depp Furious As His Girlfriend of 14 Years Vanessa Paradis Says She Wants Half of His $350 Million
Johnny Depp may end up kissing about $175 million bye-bye. (Photo provided by Simon Cowell).

NEW YORK CITY - Johnny Depp may soon learn exactly how Mel Gibson felt when he had to give half of his $1 billion to his wife in their divorce settlement.

The ex-Mrs. Gibson is now one of the richest women in Australia, who is worth a cool $500 million thanks to old Mel "From Hell" engaging in some horizontal hokey pokeying with the much younger Oksana Grigorieva.

And Miss Grigorieva herself ended up with a pretty good chuck of the "Mad Aussie's" money since she had his baby.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: At the rate that "Romeo" Gibson is going, in a few years he may find himself receiving unemployment benefits and food stamps].

Depp has just learned that his soon-to-be-ex-wife's attorney, the infamous Gloria Allred will insist that Depp give half of his $350 million to Vanessa Paradis, who he unmercifully dumped for the much younger, sexier, and prettier Amber Beard.

An unnamed source stated that he wonders if Beard could possibly be so good in the boudoir department that Johnny is willing to part with $175 million.

Interestingly enough Depp is being represented by Ginger Allred, who just happens to be Gloria Allred's cousin.

A close friend of Depp's informed The Hollywood Innuendo News Agency that Johnny is very depressed and that he just sits in his hotel room with his good friend Jose Cuervo (Tequila) and keeps repeating over and over again - "Dammit! Half of $350 million is $175 million! WHAT the hell was I thinking?"

SIDENOTE: This will be the second time that the Allred's, Gloria and Ginger go against each other in a divorce case. The first time was back in 2009, when Gloria represented billionaire King Fafarooki Pampanini and Ginger represented his wife Evelyn Pampanini. Gloria kicked her cousin's butt all over the Sudanese desert as King Fafarooki ended up only having to give Evelyn $900 in cash, two camels, and half of her clothes.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more