The Reason Why Katie Holmes Finally Decided To Divorce Tom Cruise

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 29 June 2012


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image for The Reason Why Katie Holmes Finally Decided To Divorce Tom Cruise
A photo of Tom Cruise snapped right after he heard that Katie had filed for divorce. (Photo by Ashton Kutcher).

NEW YORK CITY - The rumor mills from the Left Coast to the East Coast and down to the Third Coast (Texas) are working overtime as Katie Holmes, 33, has filed for divorce from her husband of five years Tom Cruise, 49.

Every single entertainment news media manager, reporter, and photographer who had been given Friday off was asked to return to their respective offices.

They are all concentrating on covering the story which has knocked Johnny Depp, Obamacare, Mitt Romney, the Miami Heat, and that newly discovered volcano in Vermont off the front pages.

Newspaper editors have been sending out their star reporters to get whatever information they can possibly get regarding the just announced divorce between Tommy boy and Katie girl as Vice-President Joe Biden refers to them.

Literally hundreds of media minds are writing hundreds of reasons why the happy, lookalike couple's storybook marriage has hit the rock and roll rocks.

Tittle Tattle Tonight's Pico de Gallo spoke with Katie shortly after she had filed divorce papers in the New York City Department of Divorces.

She told de Gallo that she has never felt freer than she did after she dotted the "i" in her first name and filed for divorce on grounds of irreconcilable differences.

De Gallo pointed out that the legal divorce term irreconcilable differences is really a catch-all phrase that actually covers about 8,291 reasons.

Katie stressed to the 3T reporter that she wants to make it clear that she did not file for divorce, as so many believe, because of the fact that Tom is a lot shorter than she is.

She also pointed out that she did not file for divorce because she saw a text message that he had received from John Travolta.

Holmes said that the real reason why she decided to file for divorce was actually on grounds of embarrassment.

A puzzled de Gallo asked her to explain. Katie smiled and said that for the past few weeks she has grown tired of so many people remarking to her how silly Tom looked in the role of the rock and roll legend Stacee Jaxx in the movie bomb Rock of Ages.

She said that even one of the nicest people she knows cooking show host Paula Deen called her up and commented on Tom's recent movie.

Katie said Paula told her, "Honey child, now, I don't wanna hurt jur feelings none sweety, but goodness gracious grits in dat movie jur hubby looked sillier than a woodpecker trying ta make love to a flamingo."

SIDENOTE: Katie did point out that if her and Tom cannot work out a custody deal with their 6-year-old daughter Suri, that they may just end up sending her to live with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and their half dozen kids.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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