Ashton Kutcher and Rumer Willis To Star In The Remake of "Lolita"

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 29 June 2012

image for Ashton Kutcher and Rumer Willis To Star In The Remake of "Lolita"
Madonna will be starring as Charlotte Haze, Lolita's mother in the film "Lolita."

HOLLYWOOD - Miramix Pictures in association with Sky Castle Films has just announced that they will soon begin production on the remake of the 1962 film Lolita.

The original which was made 50 years ago starred Sue Lyon in the role of the nubile, promiscuous Lolita. Noted actor James Mason starred as Professor Humbert Humbert who falls madly in love with the nymphet.

The 2012 version will be directed by Vilandro Gorianzanni whose film The Tantalizingly Titillating Thighs of Tallulah Teckington was recently named as The Best Pornographic Film In History by The Pornographic Motion Picture Institute of Greenland.

Gorianzanni says that portraying the role of Humbert Humbert will be Ashton Kutcher, star of the television sit-com Two and A Half Men.

Rumer Willis, eldest daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore will take on the role of Lolita.

The part of Lolita's mother Charlotte Haze, which in the '62 film was portrayed by Shelley Winters, will be played by Madonna.

Ashton was interviewed by Fajita San Guacamole of Hollywood Innuendo and he told her that he was excited about getting to work with the music icon Madonna.

He then said somewhat tongue-in-cheek, that he knows he will thoroughly enjoy working with Rumer Willis.

Kutcher was then asked if he had any hesitation at all knowing that he would be filming intimate scenes with Rumer since she is his step-daughter.

Ashton laughed and said that he was married to Demi Moore who is Rumer's mother and he pointed out that her biological father is Bruce Willis.

He wanted to stress the fact that he and Rumer are not exactly blood relatives.

SIDENOTE: The part of Charlotte Haze was originally offered to Dolly Parton but she turned it down after the movie executives refused to let her sing a bunch of her songs in the film.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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