Roger Clemens in Fenway's Monster Seats: Return of the Native

Funny story written by Ossurworld

Saturday, 23 June 2012

Roger Clemens, found not guilty of lying to Congress about his use of performance enhancers, showed up at Fenway Park and sat in the Monster seats, only days after his successful verdict.

It was like the alienated hero of Lost Horizon showing up at Shangri-La for a second time after crossing the Himalayas.

Audie Murphy, a fellow Texan, made a more arduous journey when he went To Hell and Back, like Orpheus.

A few diehards believe Roger Clemens is trying to rehabilitate his image by showing up now in a traveling circus show at all his favorite locations. Apparently he feels at home in the Monster Seats of Fenway.

We can recall Liberace singing about "seeing you in all the old familiar places." We feel like we were looking at the Moon at Fenway, but seeing Roger.

Clemens should be showing up at Yankee Stadium next where he won some of his Cy Young Awards. He is barnstorming the country with his "bittersweet reunion tour."

Frankenstein's Monster liked to go back to the old windmill where his master met an untimely end.

Count Dracula liked to return to his old sod where he had roots in the sweet earth of Transylvania. Roger loves to revel in the earth near that "Dirty Water" where he saw his better days.

Among the old aphorisms that come to mind is the likelihood of a criminal "returning to the scene of the crime."

It's like the ancient Druids returning to Stonehenge at the summer solstice for a view of that sunrise one more time.

Roger Clemens has returned to Fenway Park.

Swallows will also be back at Capistrano, and the Monarch Butterflies will show up in Mexico, after traveling thousands of miles.

When Scarlett O'Hara in Gone with the Wind was left with nothing, she knew where she would go. She went back to Tara where the good earth gave her strength.

Welcome back, Roger.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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