Pac-Man & Ms. Pac-Man Split Up

Funny story written by Johnny Moodis

Thursday, 6 November 2003

image for Pac-Man & Ms. Pac-Man Split Up
The Pac-Family in happier times.

Citing irreconcilable differences and mental anguish, Ms. Pac-Man has filed for divorce from her famous yellow ball of a husband, Pac-Man.

"I just couldn't take it anymore," said Ms. Pac-Man, "He was constantly running away from ghosts. I kept telling him, 'Why don't you stand up for yourself once in a while?', but he's just a born chicken."

Ms. Pac-Man also cited a power-pill addiction as a key factor in the deterioration of their relationship.

"He was constantly running around, looking for his next power-pill fix," she said, "Often it would lead him down the end of dangerous alleys. It was pathetic."

Pac-Man, who has moved out of their home and into a dilapidated studio apartment, said that his soon to be ex-wife is simply jealous of his past success.

"I was an icon of the 80's," he said, "I was bigger than Frogger, Donkey Kong, all those guys. Sure she had her own thing, but all she did was steal my act. You think you can put a little pink bow on your head and call yourself an original? I don't think so."

Ms. Pac-Man refuted that Pac-Man's poor business sense prevented them from achieving the fortune they were entitled to.

"Yeah, he was a big deal, but he signed an awful contract where he only got paid one lump sum for the games, and no percentage of the merchandise," she said, "And what money he did make, he flushed down the toilet by investing in Betamax."

Ms. Pac-Man is seeking sole custody of their child, Baby Pac-Man.

"I don't even want him to get visitation rights," she said, "All he does on the weekends is munch power pills and watch fishing shows. I don't want my baby in that environment. He can have those awful pets, though."

Ms. Pac-Man has reportedly been seen around town with Q-Bert, an old boyfriend.

"Q and I had a thing in the mid-80's when Pac and I were separated for a while," she said, "He knows how to treat a lady, and that big nose of his does more than look cute, if you know what I mean."

In light of the impending divorce, the ghosts have decided to take it easy on Pac-Man.

"That guy obviously has enough problems without us chasing him around," said Blinky, "It's time to give it a rest, so maybe he can get his life together."

Although the split has hit Pac-Man hard emotionally, he remains optimistic that he will get through it.

"Good riddance, I don't need her," he said, wiping power-pill crumbs off his chest, "Now that I'm single again, I'm gonna have some real fun. I see a lot more munching in my future, if you know what I mean."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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