Chaz Bono Dumps Fiancée Jennifer Elia and Says That It Was Not Because of Susan Boyle

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 19 December 2011

HOLLYWOOD - Chaz Bono is still a little upset at not making it into the finals of this years edition of Dancing With The Stars.

The former daughter and now son of 60s singing icon Cher, who was 50 percent of the singing duo of Sonny & Cher recently confessed to Tahiti Zeppelin of Hollywood Hors D'oeuvres that he really believed that he had a good chance of going all the way.

The hefty, 42-year-old singer added that yes, it is true that he is somewhat on the hefty side but that he had gotten to the point in his dancing where thanks to the great instruction of the extremely sultry and sexy Lacey Schwimmer he was getting better and better and damn better every week (his words).

Bono even said that he had received tweets, texts, emails, and calls from former Dancing With The Stars contestants such as Billy Ray Cyrus, Warren Sapp, Cloris Leachman, Mark Cuban, and Buzz Aldrin telling him to ignore the haters, the criticizers, the insulters, and the bitches and bastards and just dance his big, fat, butt off.

Chaz told Miss Zeppelin that the stress of the six day rehearsals and then the show put quite a strain on his relationship with his girlfriend of six years Jennifer Elia.

Bono noted that his 36-year-old fiancée was actually more stressed out sitting in the audience watching him and wishing and hoping that he did not fall on his humongous ass like Kirstie Alley had done last year; twice.

Chaz confided to Miss Z that all of the pressure from the show began to affect his performance in the bedroom department. When asked in what way, Bono blushed and said that he was having a hard time trying to get his winky (muffin tickler) to salute and pay attention during his and Jen's vavavooming sessions.

Jen even pointed out in an interview with iRumors that she felt that Chaz suddenly developed a tremendous physical interest in the erotically, sensuous Lacey Schwimmer.

Miss Elia admitted that everyone knows that Lacey is certainly one hot, little, blonde firecracker who can give men from 17 to 71 some mighty fine happy feelings in the crotch regions of their pants.

She also brought out the fact that ever since Chaz met the Scottish singer Susan Boyle he slowly started to ignore her. She said that she would be in the kitchen totally naked, to get a reaction from him, and he would walk by her and ask where she had put the salt shaker.

Jennifer said that when Subo paid for Chaz to attend her concert at The Ooh La La Convention Center in Chattanooga and then when she dedicated her song "Wild Horses" to him she knew that there was going to be trouble in their happy house.

Chaz tried to reassure Jennifer that that his goal is to one day record a duet with Miss Boyle and that he has no interest in getting together with her to do some belly bumping.

But apparently Jennifer did not believe him. Chaz finally got fed up with her and told her to gather up all of her things, including her 197 doll Barbie Doll collection and leave his house. He told her that it was over and that he had decided to dump her paranoid butt.

FOOTNOTE: According to Taffeta Kixx with iRumors, Jennifer supposedly found a photo that Chaz took of Susan Boyle during her concert in Chattanooga in which Bono had photoshopped Boyle's face onto a naked body of Lindsay Lohan.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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