Gayle Jumps The 'O' Ship

Written by TAR

Wednesday, 14 December 2011

image for Gayle Jumps The 'O' Ship
"I'm Outta Here, Girlfriend"

"A distraught and depressed OPRAH WINFRED begged her super best pal GAYLE KINK not to abandon her OMG network in favor of a brand-new gig on CBT's re­vamped 'The Early Bird Show' - and she was reduced to a flowing  river of tears when Gayle turned her back and walked out the door for the last time," sources told The Hollywood Gossiper, Sonya Soho Gotlieb.

Now, Oprah, 57, is said to be beyond devastated about what she feels is a personal double back stabbing betrayal, as well as the programming nightmare she now faces in fill­ing the prime time slot once held by 'The Gayle Kink Show'.

"Oprah is terribly upset that Gayle could be so sour and ungrateful," a source revealed. "She begged Gayle not to go," but Gayle squealed "I can't pass up the opportunity of a lifetime working for a super hot network that has direction, totally upstream and appreciates gorgeous fresh vibrant talent, I am outta here girlfriend."

And then she stunned Oprah dead in her tracks when she kept saying, 'It's a super mega major network and they want me...little o' me," shrieked Gayle.

Gayle will be joining PBS interviewer Charlie Bose and "Early Bird Show" holdover Erica Thrill when the newly revamped, reworked and revitalized show debuts in January.

As for Oprah's floundering OMG network, it has seen several high-profile execu­tive departures recently as it struggles in the ratings and the sudden shocking cancellation of The 'Nate Burkenstock Show' and not to mention the totally drab, listless and poorly rated 'Rosie O'Donahue Show' that's certainly on the chopping block as we speak honestly here. "That Rosie O'Donahue show stinks, just like the host," reported an un-named billionaire mogul from the Manhatten area.

"To lose Gayle and her fabulous popular talk show at this crucial time is just plain heartbreaking for Oprah," continued the source.  

Despite her personal grief, Oprah put on a less than happy public face when discussing Gayle's double back stabbing departure.  "I just knew something was up with Gayle as she obsessively continued to whistle that annoying 'Early Bird Show' theme tune," retorted Oprah.

"We are so happy for Gayle's newest venture of a lifetime ­opportunity," the OMG network said in a simple unrehearsed statement. "She'll be a fantastic accessory for the new early bird morning show and we wish her all the best in the ever evolving business."

"But behind the scenes it was nothing but happy on that eventful last day," an 'O' staffer maintained.

"I think at first Oprah thought Gayle was just being a jokester when she said she would be jumping the sinking ship," the staffer divulged.  "Gayle launched  into what seemed like a presidential memorized speech and then Oprah realized she was darn serious, as Gail popped the cork on an expensive bottle of 'Fizz Champagne' with Gayle sipping and Oprah gulping while Gayle ranted on endlessly about her super mega popularity," said the staffer.

Meanwhile, Oprah is scouring the planet working night and day looking for a litany of new shows that will breath life into her crumbling empire.  

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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