Written by Alvin Taveras

Thursday, 13 October 2011

SPRING CREEK, MN - Michael Myers issued a statement on his Twitter account that scared many people in Spring Creek county. Myers reportedly said, "Just because I'm still alive doesn't mean I have to put up with being bullied anymore. I will retaliate once again."

Myers said much more, but not before demanding people to quit following him on Twitter and quit posting cartoon videos on his Facebook wall. He even messaged Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg and told him that he was on the verge of deleting his account if privacy policies 'didn't change quickly.'

Furthermore, in Myer's Twitter statement, he specifically identified the bullies as none other than 'Freddy Krueger from Elm Street' and Jason from Jason, "I am not at all afraid to use my hockey stick once again on that arsonist and wannabe hockey player even without my mother's permission slip."

Although Myers has gone to police numerous times about the threats, the sergeant always seemed to tease him about his horrible scare tactics and lack of weapons.

However, police did choose to interpret Michael Myer's Twitter statement as a serious threat and were highly concerned about his intentions. Police commissioner Raymond Fanetta ordered Wes Craven to 'control his Frankenstein' and demanded that Krueger 'stop bullying Myers.'

Although Craven could not be reached for comment because he's in the middle of scary season, a spokesperson did tell us that Freddy Krueger is 'harmless' and is 'only a myth.'

In other related news, Saw is filming its eight installment and hopes to teach the wussy from Scream a classic Saw VIII lesson.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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