Green Food Color in Gas Doubles Exxon Market Share

Written by Nash D. Plott

Tuesday, 6 September 2011

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Capitalizing on the huge amount of publicity given to "green energy", oil giant Exxon has doubled its market share by using food dye to physically color its gasoline green.

The move has been accompanied by a fanfare of publicity around Exxon's "Clean n'Green" fuel, which makes no actual claims to differ from any other gasoline other than being literally green and advertised with attractive green posters of old-growth forests.

Environmental groups are outraged. "How dare they advertise this fuel as green?" objected Hannah Berkenhoff of the Sierra Club. "This is a travesty. This is a deliberate attempt to mislead the American public".

A spokesman for Exxon disagreees. "We fully advocate the responsible and judicious use of fossil fuels in such a manner as to minimize adverse impacts on the environment," states George Markstay, Executive Vice President of Marketing for Exxon. "Our decision to color this fuel green was symbolic. We support the greening of our environment. We support fuel efficiency in cars. We support alternative energy sources. We also support the rightful place of our own product in the mix of fuels that will sustainably support America".

The campaign has proven to be massively successful, with sales skyrocketing 127% in three months. This is anticipated to be just the first of a whole line of "Clean n'Green" energy products. A deal has been signed with Peabody Coal to produce physically green coal for electricity generation, with additional proposals for green uranium now being considered.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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