Herman Cain's 999 Plan Nixed

Written by Nash D. Plott

Tuesday, 6 September 2011

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The Tea Party has failed to support Republican hopeful Herman Cain's plan for tax reform. The plan, which calls for a 9% personal income tax, 9% federal sales tax, and 9% corporate tax, is referred to as the "999" plan.

Despite the fact that this plan would represent a significant lowering of American taxes, the Tea Party has claimed that it does not go nearly far enough. Glenn Beck has demanded a "666" plan, which advocates for the poor are already describing as being "evil".

A number of variants on the theme have been proposed. A "747" plan was proposed, but the risk of a crash would be too high. The "911" plan was shelved because economists do not want to use it except in case of an emergency. The "404" plan could not be found anywhere, and the "401K" plan unfairly favored the rich.

Canadians have commented on the various alternatives, saying that they do not understand all of the fuss. In Canada the "100" plan seems to work. Intrigued, American economists have inquired about the plan. "It's simple. The government just takes 100% of everything, then sends us all a welfare check".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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