Clorox Claims Icahn's Offer and Shirt Aren't Clean Enough

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Friday, 15 July 2011


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New white shirts all round the bargaining table. Clorox executives are now pleased.

Rejecting the $12.6 Billion offer from investment guru, Carl Icahn, Clorox Company representatives claim that Icahn's offer could have been better, if it had been prepared properly in advance of the media wash and spin cycle.

Commenting on the terms of the deal, Clorox Public Relations Director, George Stayontopodis says, " We think Icahn's offer was dingy at best, just like his shirt, possibly bordering on yellowish in the arm pit area". Other members of the current Clorox Board of Directors, who were all coincidently wearing ultra-bright white shirts, had echoed Stayontopodis's sentiments. "Perhaps if he knew the true value of our products, or even used them, he would have offered us a better pakage", says Stayontopodis.

Icahn could not be reached for comment, though a personal aide was quick to defend his employer and the outstanding offer. "Mr. Icahn was wearing an Ecru colored shirt today. It was absolutely not a dingy white and any suggestion otherwise, is just an attempt to shift the focus away from what was a fair offer to buy out Clorox", said Icahn Executive Assistant, Dee Madgkon-Trolle.

"I beg to differ", said Stayontopodis. "After Icahn loosened his tie, you could see the telltale signs of a grey sweat stain around his collar. I'm just sayin". There was no confirmation that Icahn and his staff made a bee-line to the local Kohls Department Store to purchase some new white shirts before heading back to the bargaining table.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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