Celtic and Rangers to merge in order to join the English Premier League

Funny story written by IainB

Wednesday, 27 April 2011

image for Celtic and Rangers to merge in order to join the English Premier League
Glasgow United's new ground could be built between the two existing grounds

Glasgow Celtic and Rangers have requested to be part of the Premier League next season, but such a move would mean two teams disallowed from promotion from the Championship, which has angered several teams from Norwich to Nottingham Forest.

"They would be allowed to come in at the level of the Conference North," said FA bosses. "Alternatively, we could cope with one of them coming into the Premiership."

The fact that one Glaswegian team would be allowed entry into the English top flight has caused ructions among the Scottish Premier League.

"This would cause massive disruption in two leagues," said SPL chairman, Dean Abber. "If just one was allowed out, the one that remains would have no competition and would win the SPL every time easily. This would make a mockery of the SPL."

The FA have offered an alternative.

"We have offered an alternative," said Gordon Taylor of the FA. "They could merge and come together. Glasgow United, perhaps?"

"That's just not an option," said Scott McFan, a lifelong Celtic fan. "There's no way we could ever form an alliance with that lot."

"There's no way that could ever happen," said Scott McOtherfan, a lifelong Rangers fan. "We hate each other."

Despite the fans objections, according to sources within both clubs, the chairman of Rangers and Celtic have been meeting behind closed doors to see if they can thrash out a merger.

"There are a few sticking points," said Raine McIntosh, who has been taking the minutes of the meeting. "The location of the ground, the name the club would have and the colours they would wear."

According to McIntosh, Celtic have suggested that they take the first part of Glasgow Rangers, and the second part of Glasgow Celtic, whilst the kit would made from the white of Ranger's kits alternating with the green of Celtic's. They would concede playing at Ibrox, but have asked that it be renamed Celtic park.

"Ranger's bosses aren't happy with this arrangement," said McIntosh.

It looks like another season in the SPL for the two Glasgow teams then.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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