Ideas. Inc. Goes Public

Funny story written by Auntie Matter

Saturday, 22 January 2011


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Who decides what you Should Know?

Wall St - This morning saw the launch of Ideas.Inc. Starting off at a dollar fifty a share, this is one buggy you want to be on. It is basically a media internet service like Google. Only it knows what it wants. What it traffics in.. you guessed it.. ideas!

By signing up to Ideas.Inc for a modest renewable fee you will learn how the Kennedys and Nixon got into power, how and why President Johnson was dumbed down out of existence after he became a dangerous alcoholic, how the media is harnessed and bribed into preventing any scrutiny into promoted figures; how movies, kids' games and books are used to reinforce pro-establishment values, keep jails and hospitals filled and idiots ever-primed to join the armed forces. You will never see John Wayne, Sylvester Stallone, or Jack Nicolson in quite the same way after!

You will learn the power of celebrity and what it really means and the price desperately ambitious people are willing to pay for celebrity status. And we are not just talking Paris Hilton here! Indeed you will learn why Paris Hilton exists at all. She is there to make the rest look clever! We kid thee not. You will have insight into the dialectics of ideas, smart-dumb, beautiful-tramp etc, etc and how to use them to your advantage, just like Madonna. Was Frank Sinatra really only a pimp for the Mafia? Learn how and why good physical and mental health militate against making profits from your fellow man and why nihilism, as promulgated by Hollywood and put into the mouths and characters of scripted celebs on and off the screen, facilitates the unbridled exploitation of the weak, the dumb and powerless.

Learn, in simple easy-to-follow lessons how and why the trashing of your spiritual rights and essentially divine being and those of your fellow man can lead to simply amazing profits. If you find yourself in a room full of mad people learn how to use the principles of Ideas. Inc to your advantage. Find out from Ideas.Inc where Harry Potter really comes from and why all attempts at scrutiny into those who plagiarized him from the honest work and toil of real writers must always and inevitably fail. Learn how to use the wiles of top lawyers to remove the democratic rights of any individual from right under their noses.

Find out how to make a celebrity from scratch using Ideas. Inc's superlative software. If you are bereft of vision, true creativity or talent, despair not. Ideas.Com will show you easily how to make good the deficit. It will show you how to take characters from one book and wed them to the plot of another in easy steps and vice versa. You will learn how to gut obscure films, books and videos for story lines and characters and tweak them so that their origins are obscure to everybody... except you. You will not believe what you can do until you try. Imagination? Who needs it? But Ideas. Inc can tell you how to talk about it all like a true philosopher! In television interviews it will teach you how to comport yourself so that you appear confident and sure of ideas that were never yours!

Did you know you can make your retarded cousin into a revered pop-star or your deluded aunt into a world famous writer? Ideas.Inc will show you how. Principles laid down by Sex Pistols founder, the late Malcolm McLaren, and diaries left behind by Beatles creator Brian Epstein are exclusively used by Ideas. Inc. As are the unpublished diaries of John Lennon wherein he explains why he called "The Beatles" a "bunch of bastards".

Find out how the planting and harvesting of significantly important ideas can control the collective mind. Find out from Ideas.Inc why corporate America got into Iraq, how they persuaded entire nations as to the righteousness of their cause, what ideas they used, how the repetitive, incessant, carefully timed broadcasting of them was orchestrated through the media and how Tony Blair, keen to strengthen UK-American economic ties, got in on the act. Find out how the manipulation of lies and building on collective memory will ensure America's hegemonous stay in Iraq in perpetuity. Find out how to plant and harvest collective insecurities, phobias, paranoias and inferiority complexes to you own advantage.

Find out how the dissemination and control of ideas in the public realm is the real power in the world today. And why bastions of freedom of speech such as Spoof.Com are under siege as we speak. How long will last? Ideas. com will tell you exactly, using insurance info and marketing analyses, to the very minute.

Drawing on archives from WikiLeaks and private papers stored in the Pentagon and other secret archives from the Vatican to Buckingham Palace you will learn why;

(1) The music you listen too is not the best that has been written. You will discover how the media persuades you that it is. The pop stars you idolize are not the most talented available to you. They are there because they make more money for the people who promote them, that's all. The real voice of your age you will never hear. There is no money in poetry.

(2) The books you read are not what they seem and their authors are not the voices of unfathomable talent as you have been brainwashed into thinking they are, but many of the most popular are plagiarists to a man, without remorse or conscience living not in Arcadia but in a dog-eat-dog world where literature is their chosen field of hoovering their fellow man. And why the great writer J.D. Salinger has lived his life as a recluse and will not allow any of his recent writings to be published until after he is dead.

(3) The movies you watch are not the best movies scripted or written, but movies produced, plagiarized and directed by the very board members of Ideas.Inc! Movies written by the famous Thomas Mann never saw the light of day in Hollywood where he used to work. They were buried. Ideas.Inc will tell you how to go about it. You will be able to conference with Steven Spielberg and Dan Brown in person! They will tell you their secrets.

For instance, how to tie writers to bogus publishing contracts written by you so as to give your boys time to gut and ransack their works in the expectation that the victim will not survive to bring a case of plagiarism against you. How to use legal clout to protect your in-house publications. How to arrange things so that if your victim takes you to court he/she will look like a complete idiot. How to use legality to ensure that your bribery stays in force long after you are dead! You will learn from Ideas.Inc how to gather, codify and use ideas for profit using the tried and tested methods of Joseph Goebbels.

It was an inspiration to all at the Stock Market this morning to see J,K.Rowling's publishing agent show up in person to inaugurate Ideas.Inc and float its shares in an eager market. It is one of the very rare occasions when Mr. Little, chairman and founder of Ideas.Inc, has been seen in public.

Ideas.Inc is one hot share, believe me! Get on now, before it is too late.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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